I absolutely adore this photo. Everything about it is just so beautiful. It was taken during over the weekend when Little Man and I went to stay at my parents so that I had help while TJ was working night shifts (and TJ could get sleep during the day ready for trying to stay awake and professional all night long!)
It was strange going away without TJ. And I won’t even go into the uneasy feeling that hung around the pit of my stomach, ready to catch me out when a quiet moment crept up on me from time to time. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I felt so anxious in those moments, but I would be willing to bet it was because the last time I stayed there was the week leading up to my induction when I was feeling pretty darn rough and more than ready for the week to be over and my baby to be here. Let’s be honest here, when you are told right at the very end of an extremely difficult pregnancy (just when you thought you were on the home straight and all the sickness was almost over) that you’ve developed yet another health issue that has been known to be a factor in stillbirth and so you need to be monitored and then induced, you can’t help but feel rather more than a little bit anxious! And as I only stayed at my parents at one other time during my pregnancy, just after the sickness started to ease off a bit, it’s no wonder my subconscious kept dragging up those intense feelings when I wasn’t distracted by anything else.
But this photo was taken during one of the (much more frequent) tender moments of the weekend, as my dad introduced his first grandchild to his garden. My dad loves gardening, and even does some as a volunteer now he is retired, so his garden is his pride and joy. So who better to share it with than the grandson he adores so very much?
My pregnancy was traumatic not just for me but also for my husband and my parents. They were all just as terrified of something happening to Little Man as I was. So now that he is here we are all showering him with so much love and sharing all the wonderful things we have dreamed of sharing with him for so very long.
When my dad came to visit me in the hospital the day after Little Man was born he told me that he was so proud of me and thanked me for giving him the grandson he never thought he would have. After all the problems I had experienced with Endometriosis, my dad had thought that we would be struck by infertility and that having a baby would be a dream we would never get to realise. The sheer amount of raw emotion in his eyes that day, the incredible love and pride he had for me and my son, was overwhelming. And so that is why I love this photo so very much, because it completely captures just how much this grandad loves and cherishes his grandson.
I love you dad. Thank you for loving me and my son so very much xx