It suddenly hit me the other day that come Friday this week I will only have 100 days left until my Estimated Due Date. How crazy is that? Thinking about it in terms of “less than 100 days to go” sounds so much shorter than “I still have 3 and a half months to go” somehow.
I am quite shocked that I didn’t realise this earlier, as up until a few weeks ago I was religiously counting down the hours let alone the days, weeks and months until the pregnancy would be over. But now that I am feeling much better I don’t even notice the days going by so much, and so several of them slip by without me even thinking about it.
This in itself just shows me how very ill I was, especially as I find it hard to quite comprehend exactly how ill that was now that I am feeling better. I still feel sick on and off, indigestion is my almost constant companion these days, and the pain in my hips, back and even around my bump now are quite impressive and yet this is all nothing compared to what I dealt with in those first 5-6 months.
I find myself actually enjoying the pregnancy now, something I had almost given up hope of ever doing. I can sit and watch my bump move for hours, trying to guess what the little one is up to in there, and amusing myself by the odd shape my stomach goes when part of his body is lodged right up against the side of my uterus.
Last night we had fun placing our singing bowl on my bump and playing it, to see what he would make to the sound and vibrations that were working their way through to him. He actually became immensely quiet whilst Tim was playing it, but once he stopped, the kicks and moves all started up again. I can’t wait to see if he reacts in a similar way once he is born!
We also sat together quietly last night to meditate, for the first time in far too long. Tim and I sat side by side, holding hands and sending our love to anyone who needed it. And while we were sat there in silence, my thoughts wandered onto how incredibly amazing it is that we created this little life that is growing inside of me. He is a part of me and a part of Tim, and he was created out of our love for each other and the desire to share that with another human being. And yet, I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much I would love him before he was even born until this moment.
More and more it is becoming real to me that this is actually happening and how incredibly miraculous it seems. I think back to how un-human-like the beginning embryo was and how hard it was to imagine all these changes happening inside of me and how life could be created in the way it is. And it was hard to connect with that thought because it was so incomprehensible to me. Yet now that we are getting so close and his movements are reminding me constantly of his existence, I find that a connection is forming between us. I cannot explain this connection as it is beyond my ability to communicate, but it is quite breath-taking.
And in the process of sharing my life with this little soul inside, I feel more connected to life itself. Only yesterday it struck me that we are playing out the exact same role that so many people have played before us. We are treading a well-worn road, although for us it is a brand new experience. And because of the fact that I fell pregnant in January and am “blooming” through the summer months, waiting to give birth in the autumn, I feel very connected to nature too. It is like my baby has grown and blossomed as the seedlings in the earth have grown and bloomed, and come harvest time we we get to finally meet the eagerly anticipated “fruit of our labour” (for want of a better term).
So, all in all, this week has brought me a sense of inner peace and wonder that I have not felt in a very long time, and I find myself dreaming of all the things I can share with my child once he is here and of all the years to come with him in our lives. It is all a bit mind-blowing, and I just cannot do it justice with words. So here’s to the final 100 days (give or take a few) of getting to know my boy before he is born.
In other news… fancy winning a little something for yourself? Tina of Tinajo at Home is having a fab giveaway and the winner will receive a beautiful shawl she has made. It is open to all, no matter where you live, and even if you don’t enter the giveaway, I do suggest popping by her blog once in a while as she is a very regular blogger and has some lovely things to say.
To enter the giveaway click on this link.