I’ve had a lot of time to think recently, and lots of things to think about. And one of the things I realised that I need to do is prioritise so that I focus more on the precious moments and less on the what I can’t do right now.
As I lay in bed with Little Man last night, my thoughts wandered. I felt rubbish from my cold, he was exhausted but unable to sleep because of his, and we were still a couple of hours from daddy getting home. The only thing to do was lay snuggled up in the dark, which meant the only thing I could do without disturbing Little Man further was to think quietly. It’s not very often I do that these days.
There are a million and one things that I want to get done. I listed them off in my head: I want to work on the HG book, I want to blog, I want to crochet, I want to read, I want to cherish every moment of Little Man’s life, I want to create a home for us all, I want to sing and dance and just enjoy life. But mostly, I want to lose this frustration that comes from rarely getting beyond the basics… like cleaning!
I spend an awful lot of time doing this. I am a firm believer that children should be allowed to explore their independence and creativity. So Little Man is allowed to feed himself every day. This is a prime example of why I spend a lot of time cleaning! Last night alone he had spaghetti hoops, cheese and bread (soft foods due to a sore throat). He ate it all himself… which meant there were spaghetti hoops all down his chest and belly, all over the highchair, on the floor and well everywhere really. Once he had finished I wiped the worst off with a babywipe and then ran him straight upstairs for a bath. And that in itself is a messy job, as he splashes so much we all get soaked. Once finished, I dressed him in his pjs, and we came downstairs to tackle the mess. I had to put the highchair straps in the wash, take the seat cover off to spray it, scrub the arms and tray to the chair, hoover the floor, and then do the washing up, all before getting myself ready for bed. I grumbled the entire time and it was only when laying in bed next to my sweet boy that I realised how wrong I was…
I’m not saying it’s wrong to be annoyed by the mundane stuff. I don’t think anyone really enjoys doing chores. But what hit me last night was how precious this time is and how I have all the time in the world to read, crochet, and all the rest of the stuff I feel frustrated to never have time for right now. Little Man will only be little for a very short while. One day he’ll be grown up and not want mummy to play with him every single moment of every single day. He won’t want mummy to sing him to sleep or do silly things with him. And he certainly won’t want everything mummy has!
The other day I found a moment before bed to sit and do a puzzle book. Little Man wanted to join in, so we sat and he held the pen and made his marks across the page. We sat next to each other and chatted as he worked so carefully to do what mummy was doing. And it made me so happy. One day, he’ll be too busy to sit and do puzzles with me. And when that day comes I’ll have so much time I won’t know how to fill it.
However much I wish these days could last forever, they won’t. And they shouldn’t. Little Man needs to grow. He’ll always be a part of our lives, but the role we play in his will change. And I hope to treasure each stage as it comes.
I don’t, however, promise to never moan about it!!!