Today marks the Midwinter Solstice, or the “return of the sun” and is one of the main celebrations in the Pagan Wheel of the Year. It comes just a few days before Christmas and is a time of celebration of hope for us in some of our darkest days.
I find this very poignant this year, as the past few weeks have really taken their toll on our little family. To be fair, 2014 has been one of the biggest and longest challenges of our lives, and I have felt utterly broken by it. But the past few weeks have pretty much pushed the very fragile nature of my soul into shattering completely. It has been like a metaphorical Winter of the soul!
And yet, within it all, a little light of hope shines. Hope that nothing lasts forever, and one day soon life will begin its upswing into the light and warmth of Spring and Summer. We’ve already seen the beginning sparks of this with the good news regarding TJ’s treatment plan, and having some time and space to stop still and breathe has enabled me to find my footing and begin to put myself back together again.
Sometimes, in life, things get so messed up that trying to fix one more crack is not enough… sometimes it is better to smash it all to pieces and rebuild with firmer foundations. Not that it always feels that way when it happens!!
I feel like 2014 has been my “breaking point” and I have reached that point where the old ways just no longer cut it. TJ and I have been through so much together (and as individuals) and we have had so very many cracks to try and fill and sustain and we finally hit that point where it felt like everything was crumbling around us and we didn’t know what to do. Looking back over the past 12 months I can see how we have had a slow crumble rather than one big crash, but the final push most certainly came over the past quarter.
And just when I felt like I had let everybody down and there was no way out, I began to see that there is an opportunity in all of this. An opportunity to build those firmer foundations, to find a more stable way of living and being, to rediscover the roots of faith that have sustained me in the past and the joys of life which help to balance out the challenges we face. In the midst of my own personal Winter I am beginning to see the light that lies just around the corner.
And whilst I long to be there right now, I am beginning to respect that life is a cycle and no matter how much we may wish to rush things forward, we need to allow things to happen in their own time. I am also beginning to finally understand that I cannot (and should not try!) to do it all alone. Everybody needs help and support and community around them and that is something I truly wish to embrace in a way I have never really done so before.
As much as I feel that 2014 has been our “breaking point”, I really feel that 2015 is going to be our “turning point”, the year in which we begin to find our feet, breathe a little easier, and set the foundations for the future. And whilst 2015 is still a little way off, today marks a significant moment in that process. It is a day that we set intentions and hopes for the year ahead, and look towards the light that is just around the corner.
Happy Solstice, everyone!