Something amazing has happened over the past few days that has been truly transformational and I am so excited to share it with you. I finally broke through the fear that has been holding me back for so very long and embraced my purpose in life. And boy, does it feel good!
It all started with a simple message, a few words that just popped into my head one night when I was wondering what to post on my instagram feed as an update. If you’ve been following me for a while now, you’ll know that I have been suffering from some really challenging physical symptoms that have left me unable to get out of bed some days, let alone go out to work or enjoy the summer holidays with Little Man. As someone who thrives on being busy and putting everyone else first, this has been far from easy. It has left me feeling lost and confused about my purpose in life, with no idea how I’m ever supposed to make any major changes in my life to get there (wherever there is), when I’m feeling so utterly beaten. So imagine my surprise when this was the message I received…
Amazing, right? I mean, it just blew me away. Here I was, worrying about getting better so that I could hurry up and get on with figuring out this purpose of life business, when really what I needed to be doing was accepting that where I am right now is exactly where I am meant to be. The message isn’t anything new, I’ve been talking about blessings within our challenges, and finding strength within weakness for years now, but it hadn’t quite made it through the fear and into my heart and soul in a way that enabled me to break free of that fear and truly embrace what is happening in my life right now.
Because it’s huge, life-changing stuff, and my fear of that was keeping me trapped in a limbo state of knowing I needed to make change but not knowing what that change needed to be. Over the past few months I have been blessed to have support from both Pippa at Story of Mum as well as Michelle from The Joy Chaser, and through our one-to-one sessions I have begun to dig deep within my heart to find the things that drive my passion and break through the fear that’s holding me back. But as much progress as I made, something continued to stand in my way – and that, my friends, was fear.
You name it, I felt it: fear of failure; fear of success; fear of being ill; fear of being healed; fear of change; fear of no change; and on and on the fears went, contradictions within themselves, because fear rarely makes sense! After years and years of one challenge after another, I found myself living in a state of permanent anxiety, my defenses up ready for the next thing to fall apart within my life, and I was exhausted. I didn’t know which way to turn, I didn’t know up from down, right from wrong, all I knew was fear and confusion. And that is no way to live.
But that’s where I was. And you know what? As hard as it is to accept, that was exactly where I was meant to be, because if I hadn’t fallen so very low I may never have set my sights so very high. Within that moment, when the message arrived and I truly understood just how much I had been resisting the idea (“why is this happening to me?” “why won’t life give me a break?” “what is the point of it all?”) acceptance suddenly became so easy. I can’t explain it in any other way than I just let go. And as soon as I did, life began to send me even more messages that I had done the right thing.
Over the following days I saw, read, heard, and watched things that reaffirmed exactly what I knew in my heart. I listened to Marianne Williamson’s weekly talk in which she mentioned we’re always waiting to be rich/healthy/wise so we can help others, but really what we need to do is wake up and say, “Dear God, this is who I am, this is what I’ve got, these are my strengths and these my weaknesses, I give them all to you, now use me, show me my part to play in all of this.” And I knew, in that moment, that I had been waiting to somehow be ready for my life’s purpose, rather than accepting and embracing it even though I may not feel ready. Because if it’s my life’s purpose, then it will happen and I will be given the support I need to do it, if only I ask. Suddenly I understood the depth of meaning behind Matthew 7.7-8…
This same message was repeated to me as I watched Tony Robbins in I’m Not Your Guru on Netflix this weekend. Vicky from Single Mother Ahoy had mentioned it to me, and I finally got around to watching it last night. I wasn’t sure what to make of it at first, but by the end I had cried my heart out at the depth of suffering and then the power of love to truly transform people’s lives. As I listened to Tony talk about what drives him and how much his work means to him, I recognised the same kind of desire within my own heart. We all have our demons, and we all struggle with a lack of love and too much fear in our lives. But love can change everything, if only we let it.
Sometimes we need a little nudge to help us on our way and I want to be that nudge. Because what is life if not a lesson in learning how to see the love all around us and shine that into the world for others to see? My greatest gift in this life, after my ability to love and be loved, is my ability to write and communicate in a way that reaches a person’s heart and soul. When I allow it to, the message I need to share flows through me in such a powerful way. Words pour out of my mouth or onto the page, and teach me all I need to know as it happens. I have known this for years, but I have resisted it so much. I have been on a journey of denying my gifts and even turning from the faith and spirituality that grounds the work that I do. But no more. I can feel the words filling my heart once again and I can do nothing more than let it out.
Which is why I have started writing a new book, one that is based on the principles of some “power cards” I made myself last week. It is a book about a journey, from fear and resistance to love and acceptance. It is about healing and life. And it is a pure joy to be writing. I haven’t felt this excited about writing in years, and I just know that this book as a great gift to me, because it is helping me embrace my life’s purpose, without fear. And I truly hope it will be a great gift to you too.
It is a big dream, and part of a larger picture of what I feel called to do in my life as I move forward from this space. I have a strong and loving voice, and I want to use it both here and at Spirit Kid Network, to help encourage and inspire you to find your own big dreams. Because within our biggest dreams lie our life’s purpose, which is ours to take at any time. So what are you waiting for? Break through your fear, find your life’s purpose, and allow yourself to dream!