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How Do You Know Your Worth?

How Do You Know Your Worth?

How do you know your worth? What is it, about yourself, that you feel makes you worthy? Is it the things you say or do? Maybe it’s your achievements and successes? What about your career? Or your relationships to others? What do you hold on to tightly, whenever you feel doubt begin to creep in?

For me, it is my goals and achievements. It is the things that I have done which I feel give me worth. Which is a problem for me right now, because at the moment I am too sick to do anything. I am barely getting by with the day-to-day tasks, doing the odd bit of work here and there and just about surviving, but certainly not achieving any real goals. And that is terrifying, because without those who am I?

a change in perception

You may remember that I shared 18 things I wanted to achieve this year recently. When I shared them with a close friend, I was reminded that these are ambitious goals for someone much healthier than I am right now. And it made me realise that I am struggling so hard with redefining my worth now that I am so sick…

And it’s not just the achievements that bother me, it’s the interactions with others and my perceived role in relationships that bothers me too. How can I be a good mother, daughter, sister, and friend if I’m too sick to do anything beyond the odd message here and there and a call out for help when I need it. What am I bringing to those relationships right now? Where is my worth?

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt completely worthless, like you simply cannot do or be enough, just as you are? Have you ever carried feelings of guilt and fear over where you are and who you are becoming? Do you recognise what I’m trying to say?

If so, I hope that you’ll find the video below helpful. It is a poem I wrote on one of my darkest days recently, which also turned out to be one of the biggest turning points of my life so far. It starts with a feeling of helplessness, and ends with a message of love, which is exactly the journey I went on whilst writing it.

Image Credits: Matthew Henry, Louis BlytheAlex Boyd, Kaylah Otto, Mitchell Hollander, John Silliman, Greg Rakozy, Lee Scott, Sasha Freemind, Julia Caesar, Leon Biss.

Music Credit: Grass by Silent Partner

How did the poem make you feel? Can you relate to it? Did your mind fight the message at the end, not wanting you to believe how worthy you truly are just as you are? I’ve certainly been there and experienced that, which is why I love the powerful healing that I experience when I create something like this.

the healing power of creativity

For me, letting the creative juices flow enables me to get out of my own head and let the wisdom of the Universe speak through me. It inspires me, gives me hope, and reminds me that there is so much worth in the most simple of actions. By taking a moment to be quiet, allowing myself to be inspired, and then letting the poem work its way out into the world, I facilitated a shift in my whole perception.

Of course, as soon as I had done it I began to doubt myself again. I worried that the poem would make no sense to anyone else. Not that it would matter that much if it only made sense to me… except my experience whilst writing has always been that this is where my true worth lies, this is what I can bring to the world. So I wanted it to mean something to others.

So I swallowed my fears and shared it with a few close friends. And the response was more than I could ever have hoped for. Seeing others respond to my words not only increased my confidence in my writing, but also reminded me that we all hold these fears within us. I’m not alone in feeling this way, and so sharing my heart with you all is just as valuable as anything else.

I wanted to share it with you straight away, of course. But life had different plans, and I’ve been too sick to do it until now. But that’s okay because I’m learning patience as well as everything else. My worth is not in producing content constantly, rather it is in allowing an idea to flow and grow until it is ready to be shared, no matter how long that takes. There truly is worth in every step… even when that step might be resting in bed!

There's Worth in Every Step

 

Let’s Build a Bridge, Not a Wall – (EU Referendum)

Today everybody in the UK woke to find that we had voted to leave the EU in the Referendum yesterday. Like many, I am shocked and quite frankly fearful of the ramifications of this result. Yet I know my parents feel the exact opposite and voted, just as I did, for what they felt was the best for our country, even though we both voted for opposite sides. So where does that leave us, as a family and as a nation?

For weeks the country has felt divided, with opinions and gut reactions leading many of the arguments rather than clear facts. It became almost impossible to find information backed by research from a variety of sources, and combined with the high emotions felt by a disillusioned electorate, it seems understandable that the nation would vote based on almost instinctive reactions.

I mean, let’s look at the polls leading up to the referendum. Most of them showed very distinct patterns with, for example, the younger generation generally voting in favour of remaining in the EU and the older generations voting to leave. Both sides believed they were making a sound decision. For instance, I spoke to someone at work who told me she was voting to leave because she felt it best for her grandchildren, yet I was voting to remain because I felt that was best for my child.

I know that this is how referendums and voting in general works, you always vote for what you think is best, but it seems to have been so polarized this time around. You just have to look at the end results to see that – the Leave campaign may have won with the “majority” of the votes, but that majority was 51.9% of those who voted… 48.1% voted for the exact opposite outcome and that’s a very small margin, just over 1 million votes in it. So clearly, the nation remains divided in its reaction to the referendum result – half are ecstatic and half are entirely disappointed.

It was pretty clear all along that this was going to be the case, as it’s been a closely run battle from the start. Whichever way it had swung, half the population were going to be disappointed. I’m not even going to try and pretend that if the Remain side had won there wouldn’t have been similar feelings this morning – the only real difference would have been that finding a new way to work together in harmony, bringing the two sides together once more, would have played out on a UK-only stage rather than the world-stage as it is currently doing. So again, I ask, where does this leave us?

Well, I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that amongst all the comments I’ve seen this morning across social media, the ones that stand out the most are the ones calling for unity. Those that are asking for us to come together, even in a time of division, because change is hard on anyone. And the next few years are going to be full of uncertainty and change, and we’re going to need to come together and find our common goals in order to make it through as best we can. And I do believe that we have common goals, that we all essentially want the same thing, don’t you?

Let’s build a bridge, not a wall

Deep inside the heart of me
there is a place of truth,
A place that wants the best for us
it’s what I’ll always choose.
But life is never black and white,
there is no right and wrong,
Let’s put aside our differences
together we stand strong.

I know I made my choice today
based on a heartfelt truth,
And you, I know, did just the same
your heart helped you to choose.
So many feelings, good and bad
were thrown into the fray,
Love and fear went head to head
and logic fell away.

So let us all remember now
that feelings hold the power,
We cannot let our fear win out
this is the crucial hour.
Let us instead choose love to win
and with it hope and peace,
And promise to our children now
that love will never cease.

For we have chosen what we thought
was best for them and us,
So let us all unite today
and make sure that it does.
Don’t let our actions at this time
go down in history,
Filled with anger and regret
and marked with misery.

So come together, side by side
let’s work together now,
There’s got to be a better way
and we’ll find it somehow.
For you and I, we’re just the same
we want the best for all,
So let us build a bridge between
our sides, and not a wall.


I’ve written another post over on Spirit Kid Network, inspired by Little Man’s beautiful words, “I love all the people” that he shared with me Friday night before bed. Let’s nurture that loving acceptance of all people!

#savesyriaschildren It could have been me

How Long Must We Wait? (A poem inspired by the current Refugee Crisis) #savesyriaschildren

#savesyriaschildren It could have been me

Scroll down to the bottom to find out how you can make a difference, today!

*****

How long will it be?
How long must we wait?
Until we understand
this is not our fate?

There are things we can do,
there are things we can say;
we don’t have to stand by
and watch time slip away.

Injustice and cruelty,
pain, famine, and war;
when will we stand up
and shout out “NO MORE“?

When poverty hits us?
When death closes in?
When it happens to us?
When will we begin?

The world needs our voices,
our neighbours need love;
Wouldn’t we want the same
were it happening to us?

Don’t fall for the lies,
filled with anger and fear;
don’t blame the victims
or ban them from here.

Our fate is not sealed
and neither is theirs;
we can make a change,
as long as we care.

So let’s open our hearts,
and speak out with intent.
And make sure that our time
on the earth is well spent.

If we start today,
then tomorrow will change.
And together we’ll find
that love isn’t so strange.

How long will it be?
How long must we wait?
Not long at all,
if we let go of hate.

*****

Yesterday I wrote and posted this poem, as I felt I had to do something. Anything.

Today I am joining my fellow bloggers in campaigning together to enact change. We’re using the #SaveSyriasChildren hashtag along with Save The Children in order to raise vital funds and awareness.

TEXT 70008 and the word SYRIA to donate £5 (this goes direct to Save The Children’s emergency relief fund. You can find their terms and conditions here).

If you’d rather donate via the web, you can do so here.

If you want to get involved with spreading the word, you can post a black and white image of your child/ren holding a sign saying “it could have been me/us” along with the hashtag #SaveSyriasChildren like the one I’ve posted of Little Man at the top.

Please also post the following with your image, if shared on Facebook:

”There’s lots that you could do from the comfort of your own home.
Please don’t turn a blind eye.
Do Something to help.
Anything.
Whatever you decide, don’t choose apathy.
#SaveSyriasChildren To donate £5 please text SYRIA to 70008”

*****

If you want to do more, here are some ideas…

Petition to accept more asylum seekers (on the UK Government and Parliament website)

5 ways You Can Help (one of many articles of this kind – Google will provide far more!)

When will we stand up and shout out no more #savesyriaschildren

My Daddy is Poorly – a poem about family life and chronic illness

Living with chronic illness is hard on all members of the family.

For TJ it means living with awful pain day in and day out, with new symptoms developing whilst we wait for even more tests and referrals. And for me it means watching the man I love reduced to a shadow of his former self, unable to do anything but stand by in support.

But for Little Man it is simply confusing… he knows daddy is poorly and sad, but he doesn’t quite know what to do about it. He is only 3, after all, how can he possibly understand what is going on?

So, with this on my mind this morning, I decided to write something for him. As with most of my poems, once I got started the words began to flow right out of me and I was able to read it to both TJ and Little Man over breakfast.

It made both TJ and myself rather emotional and Little Man listened intently. And I realised it was something that needed to be shared – after all, how many other families may feel exactly like we do?

TJ gave me his blessing to share it (I always check before I post anything personal on here) and so here it is:

My daddy is poorly

My daddy is poorly
he hurts every day,
he has lots of medicine
to take pain away.

Sometimes he’s unhappy,
sometimes he is sad,
sometimes he’s frustrated
and sometimes he’s mad.

He tells me he’s okay,
that things are alright.
He plays with me each day,
reads books every night.

But I know he’s hurting
and that makes me sad,
I can’t make him better
and that makes me mad.

Sometimes I am naughty,
sometimes I will cry,
sometimes I get angry
and sometimes I sigh.

And then daddy hugs me
and holds me so tight,
he kisses me gently
and says we’re alright.

My daddy is poorly,
he hurts everyday,
but when we’re together
it all goes away

Poetry Corner – Yet Still We Stand…

Begin to Dance

It’s been a very, very long time since I sat down and wrote a poem. Years, maybe. Which is odd, really, when I consider how I used to scribble notes on anything and everything I could find whenever inspiration struck (paper napkins, anyone?)

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write, more that my heart just hasn’t been in the right place to open up and feel what it needed to. I guess that denying emotions in order to try and survive is not only bad for our health, but also bad for our creativity!!

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll know that I don’t usually have any problems expressing myself, but poetry takes that expression to a whole new level. It seeks out the essence of life and gives it a life of its own. Poetry is so powerful and I have truly missed being a part of such a creative expression.

I used to say that if the first few lines didn’t just pop into my head with ease, there was no point in writing it down. That’s not to say that writing poetry doesn’t require thought and persistence to hone what you are trying to say into a poem that touches the heart of another, because it does! But if it doesn’t flow freely then I don’t think it is the right topic for you to be writing about in that moment. If you don’t feel it, how do you expect others to?

The poem I am sharing today came to me as I was making a drink in the kitchen. By the time I had made it to my notebook, the idea had changed form, but it was still there. As I wrote, it continued to change form and I didn’t really know where I was going with it. But it felt good to write, and I am really happy with the end result.

Yet Still We Stand

On the brink of destruction, the edge of despair
Dreams shattered and stolen, like nobody cares
Promises broken, in the blink of an eye
Leaving nothing but darkness: no light, no guide
And yet, still we stand.

The dreams of the past are but shadows once lost
We cling tight, out of fear, we question the cost
Battered and torn, we don’t know where to turn
Our hearts are left wanting, afraid they may burn
And yet, still we stand.

A moment in silence, together, alone
Our hearts thumping deeper, we’re shook to the bone
But out of that moment, a glimmer shakes free
The darkest of moments sometimes make us see
And so, we stand.

Broken and torn, there is nowhere to hide
Yet there’s nothing to hide from, that part of us died
A new way – a true way – of living is born
Out of the habits and masks we once wore
And now, we stand.

Rebuilding our hearts, remodelling our lives
Sometimes it’s like we can’t believe our own eyes
But out of the brink of destruction we came
Ready to embrace our lives once again
And we begin to dance…

 

Today’s post has been posted in the “Share the Joy” Linky hosted by Bod For Tea. I love this linky, if you haven’t found it already, take a look! I’m sharing this post, because rediscovering my love of poetry has really brought me a lot of joy this week!

Share the Joy linky at bodfortea.co.uk

Just for a moment…

I am taking time out today to just be…

Tim 192
to remind myself of the beauty that surrounds me and the beauty of my life…

100_0033

and to reflect on how busy life has become and how important it is to stop, just for a moment

100_0392
I’m going to share with you a poem I wrote years ago, that encapsulates what I am trying to achieve today. Please feel free to share it with as many people as you like – after all, what is the point of poetry if not to share? But do, please, link back to this page and remember that the work is protected by copyright.

 

Just for a moment…

 

I stop and listen.

 

I hear the waves pounding
on the beach.

I hear the sun rising in
the sky.

I hear the moon dancing
with the stars.

I hear the birds start to
sing.

I hear the flowers learn to
grow.

I hear the birth of a
child.

I hear the Earth breathe.

 

But above all those sounds,
one soars on high

 

Just for a moment

I stop and listen…

 

And I hear your voice.