September is a time of new beginnings - as we celebrate the hard work of the past few months, we can take time to reflect on our hopes and dreams and begin to move forward with them...
Do you remember that I recently discovered how little I love myself and that I thought it was time to change that? Well, as so often happens, once I made that decision to change I found that the Universe was more than happy to provide me with the resources with which to do so.
I can’t even remember in which order each new idea and resource came to me, I just know that within a few days I found that I had gone from feeling totally deflated by it all to fully enthused about the power within my own mind to make positive changes in my life. And all of this was thanks to affirmations.
Have you ever heard of affirmations? I sure had. I think I first came across them in my early 20s, so maybe 10 years ago now, but at the time I just didn’t seem to understand them. I misunderstood the idea, thinking that if you did them right then affirmations would make everything okay by removing the obstacles in your life. Which means that because I continued to have ill health and other difficulties in life then I must either be doing them incorrectly or they must not work. How wrong I was!
You see, I’ve come to understand that the true power in affirmations lies not in their ability to make everything in your life rosy and comfortable, but rather in their ability to change the way you perceive what is happening in your life. It’s not what you are experiencing that matters so much as how you are experiencing it. Let me explain…
For a very, very long time I have suffered from a variety of health issues. In fact, when I was asked recently to write a review of my life I found I got stuck almost immediately in defining myself and my life experience through these health issues. Now my previous way of understanding how affirmations work would have led me to believe that I simply wasn’t very good at them because if I were I wouldn’t have had to struggle with so many illnesses. But my current understanding is this – affirmations don’t magically remove the physical manifestation of an experience we have (e.g. an illness) but they do help us to perceive them in a whole other way (e.g. this illness does not define who I am).
And it is this change in perception that really makes the difference. Since starting daily affirmations (in front of a mirror, for extra self-reflection) I have found that my thought process is changing in such an incredible way. Things that I have struggled with for years (such as self-doubt and self-criticism) are suddenly being replaced by far more positive thought patterns (e.g. self-love and self-worth) without me evening consciously thinking about it. And the beauty of this is that it is all really very simple too.
Whereas I would previously have worried about saying the right things, doing things in the right order, or trying to logically work out the reason for my suffering, I have recently being choosing to follow my intuition. I choose an affirmation that feels right for me in that moment, and then I repeat it (out loud whenever possible) and focus purely on the repetition, like a mantra. I say it as many times as feels right and I change up the wording to suit. By choosing not to overthink or over-analyse what I am doing, I find a true freedom that allows the healing to really begin.
By repeating affirmations such as “I love myself just as I am,” and “I am safe, I trust life” I find that my whole worldview changes. I look in the mirror now and think, “I’m beautiful” rather than “gosh, aren’t I so plain!” and I feel myself letting go of the need to “fix” everything, realising that sometimes things just happen for a reason that I may not yet fully understand. For instance, I understand now that “trusting life to bring only good things to me” doesn’t mean my life will be without pain, but rather any pain that occurs will bring something of value to me in some way.
This may seem glib, I know – I’ve often felt that way about affirmations too! But I promise you that if you give affirmations a go, really try them for a few days (at least), you may well find that they bring major changes into your outlook and therefore your experience of life. Let me tell you some of the things that have changed for me in the past couple of weeks, all thanks to starting a daily practise of affirmations:
- I recognised a pattern within myself and TJ whereby guilt from the suffering we both went through during my pregnancy led to me playing the martyr and him the victim. Realising this helped me to open up to TJ about it, which in turn helped us to talk more openly than we have in a very long time.
- I have been able to let go of anger and a sense of “injustice” over events that have occurred during the past few years, allowing me to see that within all the pain there were real opportunities to grow – namely the fact that it was only by becoming so low and out of touch with myself that I have finally chosen to change the pattern of a lifetime! What a blessing that is turning out to be…
- I am becoming more and more aware of just how much of my suffering in life has come from a very deeply rooted lack of self-love and trust in my own body. But instead of obsessing over which came first – the suffering or the lack of self-love – I find I am able to simply focus on loving myself more, regardless of everything else.
- As a result of more self-awareness and self-love, I have been stepping out of my “must do, must achieve” survival mode and into a more gentle and nurturing style of living. I find myself slowing down the pace, investing in my own well-being, and discovering who I am rather than focusing purely on what I do (or don’t do, as the case may be).
- I have gone from finding it almost impossible to wake up in the morning, experiencing a sensation like trying to swim through treacle back to consciousness and struggling through the day with next to no energy, to rising from my bed with ease and excitement for my moments in front of the mirror and the day ahead. This can only be attributed to the change in my perception, from dread of what may happen to joy for what could happen. I wake with ease because I want to wake up to another day… you can’t get more symbolic than that!
To think that these (and so many other changes) have happened in such a short amount of time is, quite honestly, mind-blowing to me. Because, you see, making 5 minutes every morning for affirmations in front of the mirror is so easy. I can’t quite believe that something as simple as this could have such an amazing effect, but it has. And that’s the power of affirmations!
Tell me, do you use affirmations? How do you find them? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Or maybe you’re a little uncertain about affirmations, just like I was? In that case, why not check out my free printables that could help get you started?
And don’t forget you can follow my daily updates on my healing journey over on instagram – I’d love to connect with you there!
Linking up with #sharethejoy – your weekly dose of inspiration!
This afternoon I was sitting with Little Man and asked him, “do you know who I love?” When he turned to look at me, waiting for my answer, I told him, “I love you, and I love daddy, and I love Thomas and Percy (our two new guinea pigs)”. And do you know what his reply was?
And you love yourself too!
This isn’t the first time he’s said this to me, but every time he does I am blown away by how deep and profound his response is. And yet, to him, it isn’t deep or profound at all, it just is. And therein lies the beauty of it – if we can love another, we must surely love ourselves.
And it makes me wonder – at what point in my life did I stop seeing things with this kind of clarity and start leaving myself off that all important list of those I love? If asked about self-love, I’d say that of course I think it’s important that we love ourselves as well as others. But thinking it is important is not the same as actually loving myself with the same level of intention and intensity as I love and value others.
Which is why Little Man’s response is so powerful to me, because it challenges me to really consider not only whether I truly love myself (and what that may mean) but also how that love manifests and why I have (until now) valued it far below the love that I have for him and others. I want to live a life with that same kind of simplicity that says, “you love yourself too, don’t forget that!”
But then, of course, my rational mind comes into play and I start over-analysing it all. I begin to ask questions like “what does loving yourself actually mean?” and “what does that even look like?” I don’t know about you, but whenever I think about self-love I often come across a wall where the bricks are engraved with words such as “fear”, “ego”, “pride”, and “selfish”. I am so worried that by loving myself fully I will become unbalanced and “full of myself”, and that scares the hell out of me.
And I wonder why that is, why do I fear love so much when I know how powerful it can be? Of course, therein lies the crux – love is so powerful. I know that by loving myself everything will change, but instead of focusing on all the positive results this could bring I see only the negative possibilities. Why is that? When did I stop trusting love and start fearing it?
I’d like to be able to blame it on all the bad things that have happened in my life, all the difficulties with my health, struggles with finances, challenges in the workplace etc, but the reality is that I can’t blame any of these things. The circumstances of my life have naturally had an impact on me, but the lack of self-love goes much deeper. No matter what has happened in my life, I have continued to have a great love for so many people, that side of love (the giving side) has never been compromised. But the receiving side, that’s where I struggle. And that goes right back as far as I can remember…
This lack of self-love has manifested in so many ways – low self-esteem, lack of confidence, inability to say no, acting like a martyr, I could go on and on! In fact , over the past couple of days I have begun to realise that the only reason my dreams of making a living doing the thing I love most has never quite come true is because I do not value myself and my skills enough to expect payment for them. I feel hugely uncomfortable at the idea of charging for my services, even though I know that I do it so well. And so, the reality of this is that year after year my dream remains just that, a dream that other people get to do but I don’t, not because they are any better at it than I am but rather because I do not value myself enough to get out there and do it.
And even though I know this, I find it so hard to change. But change I will. I want to love myself, I want to follow the advice and inspiration of so many who have said time and time again that the key to living a happy and successful life lies in loving yourself enough to feel you deserve a happy and successful life. And I want be like Little Man, with the knowledge that self-love is the most natural thing in the world. And that starts today…
Tell me – do you love yourself too?
Since re-opening The Family Patch my to-do list has grown immeasurably. Not only am I now writing two blogs, but I am also working on products, services and resources behind-the-scenes for both (and a new venture that pulls them both together under a single brand). No easy feat, especially when you consider I also work 3 days a week and Little Man still only does 15 hours a week at pre-school!
But my to-do list became pretty epic last week when on top of all of the above, I was struck down with the flu (so out of action for several days, and still not fully up to speed). And I’m pulling extra shifts at work to cover holidays and absences. Let’s just say spare time is not a word I recognise right now…
So you’d be forgiven for thinking that taking time-out for a walk in the local Arboretum would be bottom of my life of things to do. I mean, with laundry piles as high as my waist, a house to tidy, and two blog posts to hash out today, a walk in the park really shouldn’t be a priority, should it? But you know what, I’m starting to learn that the less time I have the more time I should make for simply stopping to smell the roses.
I’m far more productive when I take time out to relax and breath and recentre myself, especially in light of my focus on “Healing” this year. And so that’s what I did – I dropped Little Man off at pre-school and then went for a walk. With my camera. Because it’s a beautiful day. And I’m so glad I did, because here’s what I found…
Such happy sights of Spring! They filled my heart with joy and reminded me of the wonder and beauty in nature that I so often overlook and miss as I whizz about from one task to the next, forgetting to sit back and watch as nature unfolds her bounty year after year!
Tell me – do you ever ditch the to-do list in favour of taking some time out?
I’m linking up with #sharethejoy again this week as my walk in the park really brought me so much joy today!
As adults we often struggle to express our emotions, so how do we even begin to help our children understand and deal with the big emotions that feel? This simple game really helps our family!
...the only thing you can ever do is change yourself, so why bother trying to change anything else?