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I love myself too

And You Love Yourself Too…

This afternoon I was sitting with Little Man and asked him, “do you know who I love?” When he turned to look at me, waiting for my answer, I told him, “I love you, and I love daddy, and I love Thomas and Percy (our two new guinea pigs)”. And do you know what his reply was?

And you love yourself too!

This isn’t the first time he’s said this to me, but every time he does I am blown away by how deep and profound his response is. And yet, to him, it isn’t deep or profound at all, it just is. And therein lies the beauty of it – if we can love another, we must surely love ourselves.

And it makes me wonder – at what point in my life did I stop seeing things with this kind of clarity and start leaving myself off that all important list of those I love? If asked about self-love, I’d say that of course I think it’s important that we love ourselves as well as others. But thinking it is important is not the same as actually loving myself with the same level of intention and intensity as I love and value others.

Which is why Little Man’s response is so powerful to me, because it challenges me to really consider not only whether I truly love myself (and what that may mean) but also how that love manifests and why I have (until now) valued it far below the love that I have for him and others. I want to live a life with that same kind of simplicity that says, “you love yourself too, don’t forget that!”

You love yourself too, don't forget that!

But then, of course, my rational mind comes into play and I start over-analysing it all.  I begin to ask questions like “what does loving yourself actually mean?” and “what does that even look like?” I don’t know about you, but whenever I think about self-love I often come across a wall where the bricks are engraved with words such as “fear”, “ego”, “pride”, and “selfish”. I am so worried that by loving myself fully I will become unbalanced and “full of myself”, and that scares the hell out of me.

And I wonder why that is, why do I fear love so much when I know how powerful it can be? Of course, therein lies the crux – love is so powerful. I know that by loving myself everything will change, but instead of focusing on all the positive results this could bring I see only the negative possibilities. Why is that? When did I stop trusting love and start fearing it?

Love is so powerful

I’d like to be able to blame it on all the bad things that have happened in my life, all the difficulties with my health, struggles with finances, challenges in the workplace etc, but the reality is that I can’t blame any of these things. The circumstances of my life have naturally had an impact on me, but the lack of self-love goes much deeper. No matter what has happened in my life, I have continued to have a great love for so many people, that side of love (the giving side) has never been compromised. But the receiving side, that’s where I struggle. And that goes right back as far as I can remember…

This lack of self-love has manifested in so many ways – low self-esteem, lack of confidence, inability to say no, acting like a martyr, I could go on and on! In fact , over the past couple of days I have begun to realise that the only reason my dreams of making a living doing the thing I love most has never quite come true is because I do not value myself and my skills enough to expect payment for them. I feel hugely uncomfortable at the idea of charging for my services, even though I know that I do it so well. And so, the reality of this is that year after year my dream remains just that, a dream that other people get to do but I don’t, not because they are any better at it than I am but rather because I do not value myself enough to get out there and do it.

And even though I know this, I find it so hard to change. But change I will. I want to love myself, I want to follow the advice and inspiration of so many who have said time and time again that the key to living a happy and successful life lies in loving yourself enough to feel you deserve a happy and successful life. And I want be like Little Man, with the knowledge that self-love is the most natural thing in the world. And that starts today…

I love myself too

Tell me – do you love yourself too?


I’m linking this post up with the #sharethejoy linky hosted by Michelle at The Joy Chaser and Regina at You are a Daisy, because this post really was written at the start of a very incredible week for me, one which brought me a huge sense of joy! I have so much more I want to write about the amazing shift in perception that self-love can bring, and just how much that changes everything in your life, but for now I am sharing the post that started one of the most amazing weeks I’ve had in a very long time!
Share the Joy linky at TheJoyChaser.com

Daisies

Nurturing Ourselves – The Importance of Looking After Ourselves in Times of Stress

I wrote earlier this week about how TJ and I support each other through our various health issues, and it really started me thinking. Whilst we are good at keeping each other going, no matter what, we are terrible at nurturing ourselves (physically and mentally).

I have known this for a long time, at some level, but it was showed to me very clearly Thursday afternoon when I visited a dietician for the very first time. After around 10 years of IBS-type symptoms, I’ve gradually discovered some major triggers, however recently it has felt like it doesn’t matter what I eat, I still get sick regularly. I’ve asked for help figuring this all out before, but never been referred, so it felt like a huge relief to finally see someone.

In reality however, the appointment simply reflected things I have always known – my diet is very limited and lacking spectacularly in various ways, which is having a direct impact on my energy levels. But more importantly, my biggest factor is most definitely stress rather than any particular food group, and therefore getting that under control is the key to eating better.

Nurturing Ourselves Importance of Self Care During Times of Stress

The problem is, how do you reduce your stress when life is throwing stressful situation after stressful situation your way? These past few years have been a constant stream of one new concern after another, and when I look back I can clearly see how the deterioration of my health directly corresponds to increasing levels of stress in my life.

The stress has come from three sources: a difficult work environment; TJ’s deteriorating health; and the financial implications of balancing the first two. Whilst I have made major changes to my work, reducing stress significantly, the impact that my previous job had still plays on my mind. I still have a fair amount of healing to do from that – there is no quick-fix to help recover from burnout, especially when your recovery included the stress of relocation and starting two new jobs.

And though we can make changes to our working life, the health issues we both face and the difficulty balancing a tight budget remain a source of real worry. It feels like we sometimes live life on a knife-edge, constantly ready to spring into battle at the first sign of trouble, meaning that the stress is there even when it isn’t!

When I look at all we have to cope with, I realise that it is no wonder I find myself with a pounding head, churning stomach, or abdominal cramps more days than not. It is also unsurprising that this then means I do not feel like eating, which in turn impacts on my energy levels. After a day at work, on my feet all day, I will often struggle to make more than a bowl of porridge for tea, having barely eaten at work as well. But eating like this only adds to the problem.

My appointment with the dietician may not have given me any answers I didn’t already really know, deep down. But it did make me realise how very much I have been neglecting my own well-being. I have been so busy caring for (and worrying about) others, both through work and at home, that I have forgotten to care for myself in a massive way. And that needs to change.

Which leads me to today. Today I am looking at how I can nurture myself. I have filled my kitchen cupboards with a variety of foods that will help me increase my protein intake, the aspect of my diet that was massively missing. And I am researching quick and easy meals we can make, as well as beginning to take vitamins to give that extra boost.

But this goes beyond the food I eat. It needs to include finding ways to deal with the stress in my life. The reality is that the stress is going to be there, no matter what, so rather than hoping for it to disappear, I need to find ways to relax amid the chaos. I started this earlier in the year with chanting, but I need more than the odd bit here and there… I need a daily routine of making time for myself, and for family.

TJ is with me on this – we are looking at ways to get out in nature, reduce our time glued to our phones or Netflix, and getting some quiet time in our day-to-day lives to reflect and recuperate. And I’ve decided to write about it here, on the blog, as a way of both holding myself accountable to actually doing this (rather than having the idea and never really doing anything about it) and seeing the impact it has on our lives.

It feels like a good time to do this, as we reach the end of Summer and feel Autumn fast approaching. I’ve always felt like September was a month of new beginnings, perhaps due to all those years when the new school term began at this time. And Autumn itself feels perfect for some self-reflection and nurturing as we surround ourselves with home comforts and close friends ready for the Winter months to come.

It’s always been my favourite season, and with Little Man’s birthday and our Wedding Anniversary added to Halloween, Guy Fawkes and Christmas, it feels like a truly magical and celebratory time too. I want to be well enough to enjoy all of this, rather than simply surviving it like I did last year, and that means finally putting my health and well-being first.

So that’s where I am and I’m excited for this journey ahead. I do hope you enjoy coming along with me.