I thought it was about time that I wrote a follow-up to the post I wrote a few weeks back about our decision to never have any more babies of our own.
When I wrote that post I knew it was the right decision but I was going through some major emotions in reaction to it.
But slowly and surely something is happening deep inside that I cannot quite explain. I am beginning to truly accept the decision and am feeling far less pain around the whole thing.
I didn’t really understand how far I had come though until we recently went to a couple of conferences. On the Thursday I saw some beautiful babies at the PSS annual conference. Then on the Friday I got to meet and hug our nephew for the first time, before heading off to BritMums Live where there were rather more bumps and babes in arms. And surprisingly this overload of babies didn’t break my heart!
I still find it sad sometimes, but mostly I’m beginning to find the joy in our life as a family of 3. I’m not saying that maternal instinct won’t kick in several years down the line and make me wish desperately that things were different for me healthwise, but right now I am happy. And right now is all we have. I get that now.
Little Man is becoming the more joyous and amazing thing to ever have happened in our lives. He was always a beautiful blessing, but recently his little personality has grown so much that I think my heart melts a million times each day.
He has this funny little grin that makes me want to squeal with delight every time I see it.
He has begun to snuggle in, even crawling across the room mid-play just to lay his head on our laps for a few seconds. And it makes me want to hug him and never let him go when he shows such affection.
He has even started trying to eat *ahem* kiss us which is the most darling thing ever.
In the past 3 weeks he has cut no less than four more teeth, taking his total up to 6. He’s also mastered crawling, standing up, cruising and is trying his hardest to walk with just one hand holding on to something so he has his other hand free.
He likes to “help” me with my chores these days, making them so much more fun (even if it does take three times as long!)
And he sings along with me in his own beautiful little way. We love to sing in our house and it’s wonderful to hear him practising changing the tone of his own voice.
And compared to all that, everything else seems to fade away. Life isn’t perfect. In fact we have several things that are rather stressful and challenging going on in our lives right now. But Little Man has brought a whole new focus for us and when I realised I was missing out on the absolute joy he brings us by worrying about the future and a family we may never have it was the easiest thing to let that go.
This is my family… and it means the world to me.