I am so excited to share my joy with you this week. You see, this year has been so hard on my family and, added to trauma from previous years, it has felt like everything has been spiralling out of control and I’ve been clinging on for dear life. The more life has thrown at me, the more I have desperately held tight in an attempt to keep some kind of control over things. And that has led me to a place where I simply couldn’t let go… of anything.
But last week things started to change. It started with a crazy few days battling a major leak in the house (the second in two years – did you know that water is connected to emotions? It feels like the house is bursting with all the pent up emotions we have!) But we were excited about an impromptu trip away to Glastonbury (my favourite place one earth) gifted to us by a generous family member.
Getting there was rather harrowing, it turns out. It should have taken us 5 hours, but took 8 due to WB suffering from travel sickness for the first time ever, and taking us completely by surprise. It was a Sunday, so we made 3 stops in towns we didn’t know trying to find an open pharmacy. And along the way I managed to accidentally leave WB’s suitcase in a car park on an industrial estate in our haste to change him and get to the pharmacy that Google told us was closing in 15 minutes! (Don’t worry, we backtracked and the case was fine).
And once we got to Glastonbury, things continued to be challenging. WB struggled a bit with the change (he has mild-moderate autism) and so he was bouncing off the walls a bit in nervous excitement. And Tim and I were both exhausted from the journey (we’re both chronically ill). But, you know, Glastonbury is an amazing place that vibrates with so much energy, and I’ve got to tell you that the dreams and realisations I had whilst there were pretty intense and much needed.
By our third day there we felt like we had truly landed, and I was already starting to figure some things out. But a Soul Healing session at the Goddess House taught me that even though I wanted to let go of the past and the trauma and embrace the new, I didn’t know how. I was terrified of the raw emotion that I knew would come bursting forth, and I didn’t want to unleash something I couldn’t cope with. And whilst I already knew this on some level, it was incredibly powerful to have someone reflect that back to me.
And so I spent the rest of that day contemplating on how to let go, and looked forward to meeting my Soul Sister who was travelling from Switzerland that evening to spend a couple of days with us (her life and mine have so many similarities, it is unreal). I was excited to tell her about my thoughts on what had happened and my plans for big change, because I knew she would completely understand and would have the insight I needed to figure out all the things that didn’t quite feel right. And that’s exactly what happened.
Thursday morning, WB, Nicole (my Soul Sister), and I went for a walk around the Tor whilst Tim had some time to wander alone (as I had the day before). I told Nicole about my realisation that I needed to let go of Spirit Kid Network (yes, this site) as it just wasn’t working. This was a surprise to her, as the last time we saw each other (in 2015) I had just had the idea for this site and was so excited to begin.
My idea at that point was to remove the blog and set up SKN as a resource site that didn’t need so much upkeep and would therefore enable me to start rewriting at my personal blog, The Family Patch (I simply don’t have the time or energy to run two sites and work with clients). But Nicole had the most amazing clarity and suggested I merge the two together, bringing SKN back under The Family Patch. After all, she said, it is all a part of who I am, so why separate it?
She was right, of course. It made so much sense. And I suddenly realised I’d still been holding on too tightly to what I have tried to do here, rather than allowing it to be absorbed back into who I am as a whole. I have spent so much time trying to pigeon-hole all the different areas of my life, that I forgot it was okay to be a multi-faceted person with a blog that reflects as such.
I’d listened too much to the people who advised me not to write about my health in case it put potential clients off. And I’d worried too much about keeping the faith side of things separate in case readers of The Family Patch weren’t interested in it. And by doing both of these things, I had effectively shut the door to my creative outlet. No wonder I felt so trapped and so sick.
So, realising that with Samhain on its way this is the perfect time to let go of the old and embrace the new, I have decided to close SKN as an individual entity and bring the resources I have (the Advent Activity Calendar, the Chakra eBook for kids) under The Family Patch as “Spirit Kid Resources”. And the Wheel of the Year posts and the start of my novel, The Brethren, will both sit so perfectly under The Family Patch as it is, that I wonder why I felt the need to bring them to a new site in the first place.
But that’s life, isn’t it? We take detours, we explore paths, and sometimes we need to realise that rather than a wrong turn, these paths have simply given us a different perspective for a while. For the first time ever, I am enjoying the process of letting things go, both figuratively and literally. I am ready to release old patterns and things that no longer serve me, so that I can move forward and see where the next stage of my life will take me. I am excited for the future in a way I haven’t been in a very long time, and that’s all thanks to choosing to let go.
So, over the next couple of weeks I’ll be slowly moving things over to The Family Patch and look forward to continuing my journey with you over there.